happy birthday. sorry i suck at existing.
i should have known you would break me apart from a distance,
i had dug myself into a ferociously deep place,
trying to tunnel through the earth and you were all but careful.
you smashed the lightbulbs behind my eyes.
you tore the wires from my spine.
you crushed the substance in my spirit.
put my head in a barrel and let me drown in it.
you left your sparks in my being so that everyone i meet feels your static.
my voice echoes and resonates around the hollow.
i don’t know how i crawled out, but i left with my knuckles tingling, staining the soil.
i was nourished with ashes.
i breathed smoke.
i was born away on the wings of dead butterflies.
you instantly soared far away,
back to your dream house and dream boy.
and yet, i still hoped you thought of me.
i wondered if he knew how lucky he was.
does he stop your shaking when your knees reach your chin.
do his lips taste like the truth of a clear morning.
does your nose trace his sleeping face.
do his hands feel like an oasis of adventure in a dry land.
does he see you for who you are and not who you think you are.
does he know how lucky he is.
but i know nothing.
i am hollow
released December 13, 2013
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